Ok so here goes, ever since I can remember I have been so hung up on my body image and how it affects me. I’ve never been skinny like my mum, I got my dad’s side of the family's genes lucky me! Ugh thunder thighs, a pouch, huge boobies and bingo wings.
I have always envied those with little or no boobies, a flat stomach and thighs that do not run together when you walk.
When I was in middle school that's when the weight started to pile on, we found out my dad had muscular dystrophy and it was a huge blow to him and the family. It affected me and so I started to eat and eat and eat.
I have tried ever fad diet on the block and the one which affected me the most was Cambridge as I didn't eat anything solid for 4 months YES 4 WHOLE MONTHS ..... Finally allowed food after losing 4 stone and I got so panicked I would put it back on (which I did) I became bulimic this was at the age of around 22.
I've since then dieted my ass of literally to get into my wedding dress size 8 to then eat my way through pregnancy and end up with a post pregnancy body at a size 22.
Even when I was a size 8 I wasn't happy what I see in the mirror isn't what my husband or friends see, I wish it was.
After hitting my biggest after my daughter Autumn was born I started on Herbalife and it actually worked for me I lost 6 stone and got to a size 10 and maintained it for 18 months, in the last 6 months I’ve gained a stone.
I can put make up on, do my hair but every time I look in the mirror I feel disgusted at how I could after all my hard work put weight back on.
The stress my family is under at this point in time is immense and when I go all day and don't eat my body doesn't start to work to its potential and when I finally eat at night I tend to binge and carb load.
Writing this is quite hard it’s me finally admitting to myself out loud I don't like what I see in the mirror I hate feeling disgusted with my appearance, I hate my boobs my giggly bits I hate seeing myself naked and now I hate to be seen naked (by my husband).
I am taking steps which if you can identify in how I am feeling I think you should try too!
I know this sounds vain and silly but I look in the mirror wearing my underwear and look at myself and I compliment myself on the things I do like...
I like my eyes, they are pretty and the colour works great with my glasses
I like my feet (silly I know) but I think they look pretty with painted toes in sandals.
I like my small waist (no matter how big I am it’s always a little smaller)
I then smile at myself ... did you know if you smile in the mirror it sets of endorphins (the happy chemical in your brain) which makes you happier.
So this is a little bit more of Aimee how I see myself.
To find out more about me check out my previous personal get to know Aimee post here
Can you relate?