Sunday 17 January 2021

Lock down 3.0

 I can honestly say hand on heart I never for one moment believed I would be living through a pandemic. 

Telling my children everything will be alright all whilst holding my tears back. I can do neatly say Iv cried more in front of my children in the last few weeks than Iv wanted too. But much like everyone else my own emotions are a little hard to keep in check right now. 

I remember when I was little around 6-8 I was desperate to be a a teacher. I loved my middle school teachers, they were kind and so wonderful, I cried when I had to leave year 6, I was devastated I wouldn’t have Mrs Bohoon. God I’m so glad I didn’t become a teacher i have since realised I am fucking shit at teaching. 

My mental health can go from perfectly stable to seriously manic in just seconds at the moment and I don’t know what mood I will be in when I wake up. 

My kitchen is lined with dirty laundry and dishes, my lounge floor hidden under oodles of toys. I’m knee deep in print offs of school work I have no idea how to do. 

Iv never felt so confused or overwhelmed in my life, I feel like I’m loosing the plot slightly and anything even the smallest thing can make me cry. 

I see all these mums smashing it and loving being in lock down and I honestly wonder why I don’t feel like that. Why can’t I find it as calming and enjoyable as they do. 

Mums I see you, I hear you and I want you to know that your amazing.