Sunday 23 August 2015

Is it ok to miss a parent years after they have passed away

Happy Sunday!

So today is quite a big topic which is very close to my heart. I have lost both of u parents my dad died when I was 14, that is 17 years ago!!! And my mum died when I was 25 which was 6 years ago this April just gone. 

I felt such a huge loss when my mum passed away, it was worse for me than loosing my dad, why you ask? 
Well when my dad died I had my mum to hold my hand, wipe my tears and to crawl into bed with when i had nightmares. 

My dad died in his sleep, it was as peaceful as you could hope it would be for someone you love, my mum died slow and it was so heart breaking. 

My mum has lung disease it lead to a collapsed lung and lots of treatments and  hospital stays. 

Why am I writing this... I didn't ever think I would write a post about my parents and loving and missing them but when I said to said to someone the other week I really miss my mum and really need her right now because I am having a tough time. And quite honestly I was not expecting the response i got. 

I know you miss your mum terribly and please don't take this the wrong way but I think you need to accept she's no longer here. 
It will help you heal. 
She loved you with all her heart and deep down you know she taut you everything you need to cope with anything. However I think sometimes you haven't accepted that she's no longer here and you struggle to move past it. 

Well this flawed me ... For the record she still has both her parents. 

I am here to say to anyone who has lost one or both parents.. It's ok after 3 months, 1 year, 5 years or 20, 30 plus years it's ok to miss them, want them and need them.

Will I ever get over not having my parents, especially my mum ... No probably not, there isn't enough therapy in the world to make it ok that they are not here. 

It's ok to have a bad day and cry like a baby! It's ok to not be ok with them being gone. 
Every day will be easier because you learn to live with it. 
Don't let someone else make you feel like your feelings shouldn't be there, own your own feelings and it's ok!  

Sorry if I'm rambling Iv never really spoken out loud about missing them, I well not in depth anyway. 

I will ALWAYS miss my parents and I will always need my mum, I didn't learn everything I needed to know before she died, I barely had a chance to scratch the surface of knowing her, I didn't get a chance to ask all the parenting questions I have now, to be honest when I had my daughter tht was when I needed my mum the most. 

I am so lucky to have my parents, they were amazing, my mother was my best friend, she was so ok with me and never judged me. I was lucky enough that mum and I always got on. 

That's the beauty of your mum who you have a bond with like I did she loved me unconditionally, and it's very hard if not impossible to find a friend who won't judge you. I know my mum isn't coming back nor my dad, I am not that silly it doesn't matter if you "accept" they are not here it doesn't automatically stop you missing them or needing them. 

I will always remember to love my daughter unconditionally and I will do my best to never leave here although I know it's a promise I have no control over. 

Sorry if I bored you a little but I just had to get it off my chest. 


  1. What a lovely post this is - it's good that you feel you can finally post things like this and also remember all the happy memories you have ;)

  2. I cant being to imagine what you have went through, i know some day that i will be faced with the same pain and i just feel dread! You are an inspiration to others xx (littlepaintedlady) xx

  3. This post is so lovely. I lost my dad a year ago and I still miss him like he left yesterday. Time heals all wounds they say. Still waiting.

  4. This post (almost) made me cry. And only almost because I am reading it at work... I am really lucky to still have my parents at 44 and I am dreading the day they will no longer be here. I can only imagine what it is like to have to miss them at such an early age, and I can see that you miss them still as you are going through all these stages in life when you'd normally have your parents with you. Let those people talk I say.

  5. How wonderful that you had such a bond with your mother. I never had that, I miss having a Mum and my Mum is still alive - she just chooses not to be part of mine, or her grandchildren's lives. It's perfectly ok to miss her, and to grieve it your own way, and don't let anyone say any different.

  6. This was a lovely post, a touching read. I can relate as my boyfriends nan just passed away after suffering 6+ years with dementia. As the head of the family she was the glue... they all really took a hit.

    I hope you feel you know you can talk with them anytime you wish to, and their spirits will guide always guide you and be with you.

    You will always miss them and want them and that is absolutely fine. I think your friend was just trying to help, people say silly things sometimes especially when they don't know what to say... Perhaps talk about them to a different friend.


    Ella xo

  7. Lovely post, so sorry you lost your dad, I'm glad he died in the nicest possible way in his sleep.