As I lie in bed its 3:30am I can't sleep. Iv managed to get an hour but my mind is racing, it dawned on me just over two weeks till I'm 32. I had originally planned to do a wish list post, all these gorgeous things I would love to be given. I have chosen not to celebrate turning 32 on October 2nd this year, and it's not because I don't want to be 32! (I don't but that's not why) it's because even though I get so excited opening presents from my friends and family I want something bigger than gifts (no not being greedy I promise).
I want as I'm surrounded but my family's life packed up in boxes, not knowing where we will be moving too 3 days later to get told we have a home to move to move to, not a hostel or b&b.
I in all honesty don't have many to celebrate with, the ones i would automatically pick up the phone to celebrate with for various reasons are no longer apart if my life (which I so lovingly refer to as a sinking ship).
My gorgeous yet stroppy Autumn won't even realise its mummies birthday so I'm happy with just an i love you and an hour without a screaming fit and snuggles on our sofa in a home that were being forced to vacate.
I for my birthday would love to know where my family will be living. I would love for my friends to hold me up, when keeping a brave face becomes impossible and for my husband to love me unconditionally even though I fuck up a lot.
I won't bother with a dinner out with friends or cake. I will take a bottle of wine and a home cooked meal whilst I try to forget for one evening what the future holds.
Turning 32 will be filled with anxiety and fear for the future, we won't have anywhere we can call our home.